Thursday, August 03, 2006

Did he who made the dinosaur also write this letter?

Kent Hovind, who claimed to offer 250,000 dollars to anyone who could provide scientific evidence for evolution, has got himself into serious legal trouble because of very shady business dealings that he tried to cover with ridiculous religious claims such as that the business owner is actually God and not Hovind and his wife. The classic comment from the was:

Members of Creation Science Evangelism said at the time that building permits violated their "deeply held" religious beliefs.

One has to wonder what Hovind’s reaction would be to receiving the following letter in the mail:

Lord God Almighty


Mr. Kent Hovind

Dinosaur Adventure Land

5800 N. Palafox St.

Pensacola, Florida, USA, Earth, etc.

Dear Mr. Hovind,

It has recently come to our attention that, for a number of years, you have been presenting yourself as our representative and, in that role, have been involved in a number of business ventures, and that, due to your failure to observe your local authority’s taxation regulations, you have been charged with 58 offences. Unfortunately, the avenue of pursuing damages in your local courts is unavailable to us for a number of reasons, the primary one being that there are, as yet, no lawyers in heaven. As such, we are forced to merely remind you that your case will, sooner or latter, reach the court of last resort, where you will find that our motions get a full hearing.

As such, we urge you to cease and desist from bringing further disrepute to our name, in particular by presenting yourself as our representative and engaging in activities that are likely to bring you to the attention of your local law enforcement and taxation authorities. As we are sure you are aware, at no time has any special authority been granted to you to represent our persons within any territory, the territory of the United States of America in particular. Should you feel that any authority was granted to you by us, implicitly or explicitly, we inform that any such implied or explicit authority is hereby revoked permanently. Had you actually been employed by us, you would have been fired a long time ago.

At the same time, you are to cease and desist making claims to your judicial and administrative authorities which, if accepted would entail that we are to be liable for property tax in your local jurisdiction. In particular, you are not to claim that everything you have actually belongs to us. As you must be aware the Earth was granted to its inhabitants in perpetuity, thus we no longer hold any property claims to any parts of it, in particular to the business ventures in which you have been involved. This step was taken in part for the express purpose of avoiding the very kind of legal entanglement that your actions would have us involved in. As my son pointed out, just imagine the trouble we’d have with inheritance tax.

Also, we strongly suggest that you quit depending upon a series of two thousand year old myths to shape your understanding of the world. While it is true that the stories of Genesis talk about Adam and Eve, do you seriously think that this was how we did things? Allow us to ask you a rhetorical question – Do you understand quantum physics? Allow us to answer the question for you – no, you don’t. Neither did the people two thousand years ago. We could have tried telling them about the weak and strong nuclear forces and how they separated away from the electromagnetic force mere instants after the big bang but what do you think they would have understood? So, of course we told them about gardens and other things they knew about. They had an excuse for their ignorance, you do not. If you want to know how we made the world work, go read some science, for crying out loud. And stop saying all those silly things about the dinosaurs – they were around for much longer than your lot are likely to be.

Finally, we find it quite objectionable when you claim to be absolutely certain about many things, including our existence. Certainty is our prerogative. Heck, you can’t even prove whether we exist with this letter. As the Holy Ghost said the other day, certainty unfounded on evidence shows either an over-inflated ego or an underdeveloped imagination.

See you later,

Lord God Almighty

P.S. Mary says to say hello.


1. Glen Stoll, your representative (he’s in trouble, too)

2. B. L. Zeebub, our representative

3. Files


Post a Comment

<< Home